Was it yesterday, or the day before? Early morning drizzle, even the few drops of particulate matter, settled by the precipitation of the night before, mitigates the lethargy that accompanies the daily act of stepping out to work. I am often told that I keep insane hours at work since I usually leave before seven. Can't help it- early morning is the best part of the day for me.

As much as I find rains quite refreshing, I still cannot get over the slight discomfort of not having Ramya around me anymore. The prospect of it is annoying, the fact that her departure is of a permanent nature- well, is a morbid thought. As we always kept telling each other- of all the seasons spent together, the three monsoons, will be the most memorable. And in absentia- the most arduous.

Well, having done my early morning mulling over her absence, I get into the industrious act of making tea and breakfast. A bottle of Venky's pickled chicken, recently acquired, saves the day. Maggi, I figured, tastes delicious with this garnish. Now, its not as if I don't like Maggi. But after about 11 years away from home - no family- and by consequence no real operational kitchen, I guess I am allowed a bit of despondency as far as the consumption of Maggi is concerned. So Maggi it was with stale pickled chicken, and a cup of Darjeeling tea. I feel particularly energetic today and direct the same towards doing up the house. First I sweep the floor. Florin, my maid watches in the background. I am very particular about a clean floor, as I often go about the house barefeet. Then the books are dusted and laundry set out. The rain seems to have stopped and a lovely breeze blows outside, windows are opened, curtains pulled back. The air-conditioner has been switched of f some timeback. While settling things into their places from where they have been uprooted through the week, I come across some music which I have not played in some time. A particularly fond GNR collection, it is played with no holds barred as far as volume goes- the way it should be played. Notes of Novemebr Rain fill the air (almost appropriate) while I read the Times of India- which seems to say that monsoon is yet to come, but the agony of the same has set in. Delayed trains, overflowing manholes, civic repair projects caught unaware. Such a cynical view of things. Sunday is the only day of the week when I read the Times. Probably only because there isn't the option of the Business Standard. Of course, as someone pointed out recently, it is probably because of the matrimonials section.

This "someone" is a girl I recently met through a matrimonial site. Having spent the lastdecade and a half doing things that matter by myself, I decided that marriage should be no exception. So while my parents pursue the search for their duaghter-in-law with vigour, i do so too, but quite dormantly. Sometimes, in a bout of great enthusiasm and energy, I go through the lisiting at various portals and respond. Some times some people reply. Often it never gets beyond the e-mail stage, and some times beyond a telephone conversations. Rarely do I get to meet someone.

I met Ghosh through a matrimonial post. I had written, she had replied, in the affirmative. More importantly, she was in Bombay and that too a resident of Bandra. In an intricately wired world, I am the outcast who believes that there is nothing like physical proximity to kick start a relationship. So somehow, we got our ship to take-off. A few late night phone calls in which we both discovered common tastes - in music and films, and the decor of our respective houses- among other things. Also discovered was a string of unusual coincidences in events in our lives and in preferences towards life in general. But were these going to be the corner stone of some thing more concrete in the near future? Time would tell. Now, cyncically viewd it seems that it is only natural that that two persons whove spent an additive time of about 50 years on this planet would eventually find things in commen, howeverdiscrete they might be as individuals. Eventually, we did meet, but not after saying many times over, that a meeting could spoil everything. I was particulalry fray-nerved that evening after choppy day at work, so dinner plans were scuttled and we decided to meet for dessert. There was nothing of note there. Just two people meeting, as countless do, to see if things can happen. While these meetings can swing both ways, this particular one did not seem to have a definite direction, as yet.

What followed surprised me a bit. There had been no hint of disinterest from either side. Though my pre-occupation could have indicated otherwise, I am sure of what I felt. Nothing strong, but not nothing at least. But suddenly, she dropped off my radar and vice-versa. I did make a few phone calls, and a couple of customary messages, but there was no response, except for promises of returned calls. While I never ever return calls myself, this time around, I seemed to have met my match. This went on for two weeks, after which, I quite easily, gave up. There had been nothing of note, and then life is a bit busy when you are 28 and running. But what was disturbing is my attitude to the entire episode. This this could've gone on to better things is certain. That I couldn't get over her initial reluctance or lethargy is surprising. May be she really didn't like me after all. ANd i was too busy to be bothered. May be she is window shopping- like me, without purpose, with bewilderment. In either case, there is little I believed that there was little I could do about it. And did nothing.

So, to continue from where we left a while back. I guess the last bit isn't actually as annoying. The thought that troubles me more, and that's only because it goes much deeper than just one-off with someone. Now Ghosh, I have figured is quite like me. Generally likeable and often liked- I would think. We were also born under the same sign of the sun, the Archer. Randomly misunderstood, instantly forgiven. Get the drift?

Now the problem is that it seems that we are stepping on each others' toes too early and too often. And in a fashion that's not quite common. I remotely recall a conversation wherein, she exclaimed in response to something I said or did- "You can't be saying that- Its my line!!!"

Now, that brings me to why I find that PNG thing disturbing. Normally, I am the one who never bothers to returns calls, or even type messages. Excuses range from being busy to just being lazy. I reserve the right to turn the plans an evening out upside down at a drop of a hat, saying I am pooped. Not that it's done on any particular intention- there is none at all, as any one who knows me well would tell you. I am sure it does annoy them, but the blame it on the Archer and move one. But this time- I am kind of at the receiving end. And if not for my heightened enthusiasm with respect to marriage at this point of time, I would have broadly ignored the turn of events. But, but... not returning calls, is my prerogative, not replying to messages, saying that well- I'm too lazy to type (and phone calls are damn cheap, in any case)- is my birth right. Changing plans, and moods without notice, is my way. And some one doing this to me is actually stepping on my toes!!! And if this continues, I can see where this is head- nowhere.

Now the deeper issue. I have always believed that a person's long term partner (often wife) should broadly be of the same type. Makes it easier to get along, especially for the likes of me, who'll never be bothered to cross too many bridges to be the understanding variety. So it is better if like marries like and so on. But this particular incident and my experiences with RV, now force me to rethink. With RV, I broadly got nowhere. Neither did she. But at least for better or for worse, she is married- or I think about to be. I am not sure whether that's good. But at that time, i wrote it off as a chance event, whcih probably was an exception to my rule. This time around as well things don't seem to be going anywhere. Not that I am apathetic. Quite believe that this might turn out to be a good thing after all. But some how, to get over the initial reluctance, and getting on is just too daunting. If the other end was taking initiative, I would have gone along with. Which broadly shakes, not really - may be just stirs, my belief in types. Get the drift? Not really. But I am bored with this now- so more tomorrow.l